


notes about

by lovestillaround



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (kind of), Internal Monologue, M/M, POV First Person, mention of microphilia, vague choking reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovestillaround/pseuds/lovestillaround
Summary: Phil is trying to write (but he's struggling to focus)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 29
Kudos: 38
Collections: phandomficfests: escape from reality





	notes about

I’m watching you sleep.

I’m sorry!!! :c I tried to focus on doing my stuff but you’re just too cute. So I blame you. Totally.

You know, I was trying to do that exercise when you just start writing about anything that comes to your mind, without any breaks, letting your mind flow and all that stuff, but then all I could think about was you. Because you’re just… You’re just lying there, Dan. And you’re asleep so I can’t even bother you, and instead I can only look.

I guess looking isn’t that bad. You’re a pretty guy. I got quite lucky!

You’re so pretty when you sleep. I don’t even know how to look away. So just imagine me typing this while looking at you and then looking back at the screen to fix all the typos.

God, Dan, do you think people will mind my inability to put commas in the right places? I guess they might. I should know all the rules, shouldn’t I? English language degree, hah. You need to have a look at it later and fix it for me, please.

I mean, not _this_. This is just for fun. What should I do with it, by the way? Should I show you? I guess you know my brain anyway. I was trying to be productive, I swear, I just got so distracted (because you’re lying there, if you don’t remember, you’re asleep and I, well, I couldn’t reach you with my hand right now, even if I stretched; I could maybe nudge you with my foot; oh wait I used a bracket at some point, didn’t I? yes, yes I did, here it goes ->).

Do you put a comma after a bracket? Dan, I need help! Maybe I should really nudge you. I’m tempted to do it. I used two colons there, at least! In that sentence. Okay, maybe I don’t like this exercise anymore. It makes me overthink what I’m doing.

Should I write simpler stuff? Oh, should I describe you, maybe?

You’re lying there, all the heaviest points of your body digging into the sofa cushion. I’m really tempted to make a dick joke. Dan, I’m failing.

You are in front of me. But unconscious. No, it sounds creepy!

I love you, Dan. I love you. Why does it feel scary to write it here? I don’t want to be thinking about scary. Maybe I should never show you this.

I love you. You’re not that far away, but you’re asleep. I want to touch your hair because I always want to touch it, there is no other explanation and I don’t think there's any reason for that. I’m just drawn to you. I don’t know why, I just know that you’re beautiful and that I love you.

It doesn’t really express well what I wanted to say.

You woke up so early today to go running, and you’re so tired now, you’re asleep. You will be confused when you wake up. You will say that you didn’t want to have a nap. I’ll say that sleep is good because I want what’s best for you, always. You’ll say that now you’ll have trouble to fall asleep in the night. I will tell you that we can have a sex marathon instead of a real marathon. You will tickle me or bring your hands to my neck and I’ll already be imagining how I’m running out of breath when you fuck me.

I don’t want to get horny when you’re asleep. Cause when you’ll wake up you’ll say that you’re hungry or that you want coffee and I’ll have to wait even longer and you know that I’m impatient, and you know I don’t know how to behave around you.

You’re all curled up. Does it keep you safe? You look so peaceful but I still want to hold your hand because it looks so empty.

You look smaller like this and I want to hug you.

I put a blanket onto you. I would’ve put myself there but that would've woken you up. Also, there is no more space on the sofa. That’s why I like microphilia so much! I could just sit on your palm if I were tiny. Hopefully you wouldn’t crush me. You wouldn’t, right, Danny? I would just sit on the creases of your palm and hold onto your finger and look at your face, it would be so good.

Maybe I should print this thing and put it in some cabinet and maybe when we are moving out yet another time you will find it. You’ll ask me what the hell that is and I’ll tell you that it’s just me. Or you’ll just get to this sentence on your own and read it yourself.

I love you. It’s getting easier now, I think. To write it. I don't know why I thought it was hard a moment ago. Now I think I should've been used to it already, to typing it.

I love you, Dan.

It looks pretty. Your name suits there, right after that comma. You’re perfect to love, I hope you know that. (Although, you’re starting to drool. Your chin is all wet. I don’t know if I would kiss you right now.)

I feel like a teen again, drawing hearts in the back of a notebook. D+P=<3

D+P=<3<3

The longer I stare at it, the more it reminds me of asses. I’m sorry! The three just looks like a butt. People make so many jokes about 69 but none about threes? 3sgrace

(This was bad. I tried.)

I don’t know how to end this. Would the smell of coffee wake you up? I know it wouldn’t but then I could end this thing with a new discovery.

I like learning about you. You change a lot. I love you. I’m in a very sentimental mood, can you tell? You looked so tiny when you first fell asleep around me and years later you still look the same. You look the same to me. You're different, I think? But you're still the same.

I guess I love you in any form. I love you, Dan. You could turn into a hamster and I'd still love you. Though, maybe let's not think about it. I like you in your human form.

(I love you in your human form.) (Now it all sounds like I'm some kind of alien, I'm sorry.)

I should stop using brackets because you need to tell me first where to put all those commas. We wrote a book already! I should know more about punctuation. I need you, Dan. You look pretty and all but we need to make some deal right now.

I make you coffee and you help me. Is that alright? If you move now, you agree.

Your eyelids moved. Guess it's time to wake you up.

(I love you, Dan.) (This one was just for good measure.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3  
> [tumblr post](https://lovestillaround.tumblr.com/post/612871465616949248/notes-about-rating-m-words-1k-tags-internal)


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